FLUFF UP MY LIFE

some lovin' to the world!

2009-12-02T09:26:00.000-08:00

k chen, (: thank you for always looking out for me, (: you're god sent, thank you!

----------------------------
ive shifted here, (: i'll try to keep things updated! wheee!

WWW.TYRANNARAROUSRANTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

i'm going to be rude and angsty!

2009-11-24T03:23:00.000-08:00

BLOODAYE FcuKING AAS-EMM-EUUU.

slogg my life out, slogg my soul out, sacrifice so many things, only to find out that i get rewarded with mediocrity.

B- is not enough for me, and you have to slap me with a C- right in my fcuking face.
i'm damn pissed.

damn damn damn damn damn pissed.

2009-11-20T00:43:00.000-08:00

its crazy, for the past four days, everytime we sit down to study we argue.
i hate arguing, i just want you to listen and understand.
why do you always need to prove your point all the time?
and do i always have to swallow and not assert my point? no im stubborn, too bad.

and you dont even apologize.

just stop it alright. stop arguing with me.

-------------------------------------------------------
sometimes i need my space to rant, pour my thoughts, pour my emotions out.
it doesnt matter if people read me,
sometimes i need a little space to scream.

2009-05-24T08:09:00.000-07:00

actually on second thought,

i'm going to end this blog.

but no im not going to delete it, too much of my life is pumped into this, so instead, i'll just leave it here. (:

UNTIL YOU HEAR MORE FROM ME! love you guys!

zapp back.

2009-05-05T13:05:00.000-07:00

BACK FROM THE WORLD,

hello world, (:
its finally the end of school term and i have alot more time to do the things that ive always wanted to do. and at the same time, im going to do some majot revamps in my life. this blog is going to be slightly more personal, with references to as much as i can, both plus and minus if i can. i find that writing helps me to think through events, and hopefully after thinking twice about it, i would be able to one day confront my silly old self.

disclaimer though, after this revamp, entrees are not meant to be offending in any way.
well, its 4am in the morning anyhow! so i would just leave the world with one piece of news,

CANDICE YE IS ATTACHED, <3 no surprise, but it feels just right this time. (:
and yes i'd take things step by step, love you world! (:

2009-04-12T20:55:00.001-07:00

"Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled"

~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky

this is one input in a million years, and one to be in another few months, (:

2009-03-16T12:33:00.000-07:00

i know i have not been updating, but theres simply no time.
i feel sometimes, ive been reduced to a lifeless form, no passion no interest, coupled together with the sad fact of the loss of contact with friends.

its not easy to keep up with them, its not even easy to keep up with myself. this is all such a struggle and a battle.

well friends, feel free to email me though, (: candice.ye.2008@smu.edu.sg im so immersed in school id definitely read your mails, and reply too for that matter of fact! (:

what a sudden blackout.

2008-11-29T22:15:00.000-08:00

things just done go right, right when you want it to.
thanks to the rain, and the sudden blackout in the house again.
my laptop is officially gone. it cant be turned on even with the battery placed in without the plug.
ABCDEFG. this is the 12345678910 time already!

WHAT THE ERRRFFFFF.
:(
have you any idea how much i DETEST technology. I DETEST DETEST DETEST DETEST I.T.!

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP, IT COST BE $2500 just to get it, and it failed big time, i hate hate hate it. ROAR!
die toshiba die

one minute of phone call, a mountain of emotions.

2008-11-26T02:42:00.000-08:00

sometimes i return to this blog and i take a read, and it seems as though im some emotional kid with a whole lot of willful problems, but i guess thats only cause i turn to this outlet as a form of release. where its easy to rant, and no one to judge you directly. readers usually draw their own conclusions.

so here i am again, feel all rather out of sorts, again.

is there ever no space for true self happiness and a sense of security from the things you probably THINK you love the most?
maybe hippopotamuses were my form of indulgences, until i grew up.
----------------------------------------------------
take things on a merry note candice, take say for example, your lovely mother bought you tiger balm muscle rub because she knew your muscles might ache when you go to laos. its a sweet thought, and i really appreciate it. see these kinds of small things should just fill your entire world with smiles. smile candice smile.

its an internal conflict, all on your own again.

HUMBLED HEART <3

2008-11-22T10:25:00.000-08:00

heres something that i stumbled upon, rather meaningful, and something thats personal to me.

WHEN I SAY, "I AM A CHRISTIAN"
When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not shouting, "I've been saved!"
I'm whispering, "I get lost! That's why I chose this way"

When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't speak with human pride
I'm confessing that I stumble-needing God to be my guide

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that I'm weak and pray for strength to carry on

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not bragging of success
I'm admitting that I've failed and cannot ever pay the debt

When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't think I know it all
I submit to my confusion asking humbly to be taught

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not claiming to be perfect
My flaws are far too visible but God believes I'm worth it

When I say, "I am a Christian," I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartache which is why I seek His name

When I say, "I am a Christian," I do not wish to judge
I have no authority--I only know I'm loved

whatever it is, i know im loved

when stubbornness collide?

2008-11-19T08:03:00.000-08:00

i feel damn humiliated.
thanks for dragging me down the street of orchard road and shouting at the top of your voice,
all the untruth and skewed perceptions.

we started there, how apt and significant.
yes there were tears.

what happened? i WAS happy then.
what a monster (slut) ive become man.

but still, it was entirely unnecessary.

lord watch my toungue, its a cutting razor blade.

frack it damn it

2008-11-18T10:20:00.000-08:00

i feel damn emo now, i hate life i really do.
and im on the verge of breaking down.
this time its not just the issue of just boyfriend girlfriend and emotions, its my ENTIRE LIFE and sanity.

i feel like i dont have any friends. i dont have any true friends. maybe one or two, but you cant just keep depending on these friends all the time to fill in any random slot that you have.

i hate my this wonderful ability to not be able to make friends, and to not be able to keep friends close to my heart.
i hate this special craving of mine for attention, craving for people to accept the naughty raunchy side of me.
and this innate ability to have guys who are less judgmental and become my closest friends, but stray away the minute you stop being so casual with them.

should this be goodbye for love?
relying on trust and fate is going to drive me to tears soon. i hope you read this.

i feel small, and insignificant. and the closest people i have around me just so happen to be very busy at a time like this.

sometimes i wonder, is this the act of god? or is it just the human crave?
it happens when you least expect it. hello hell.

SCHOOLS OUT

2008-11-11T12:13:00.001-08:00

today is probably one of the most enjoyable days in my life in SMU, nothing significant really happened. but its just the joys of accomplishing 2 presentations in one day, and knowing that at the end of the day, its the last lesson for that subject.
week 14 for smuggers! (:

heres my STATS 151 group: oh all that hell presentations that we went through. it was certainly crazy, but what a long long way we got through! xu xiaoyue, yu ling, pearly, candy <3
warms my heart to hear prof say this!

"Thanks so much Pearly

I have enjoyed having you all in my class. It has been my best class since i joined SMU in 2001.

Thanks!
Denis"

cheers to my BGS group mates!
noortje alvina chritina candy and jon! oh what saints we are, thrashing it out all the time!

it was only 13 weeks ago, time zoomed that fast

RAPEX

2008-11-08T00:44:00.001-08:00

okay, i lost my specs.
this was a rather silly incident. i decided to sleep on the bus on the way home from jbac. something like 1 hour and 40 mins ride home, and powwow, once i alighted, THE WHOLE WORLD WAS BLUR. and i didnt even realise i lost my specs until i readed home and i realized that my house was a little distorded looking. goodness. ive only my lovely red specs to live with now.
anyone want to suggest good places to hunt for plastic specs?
plastics rock i tell you.

anyway work in uni has been really draining. but im also enjoying it alot with the company around. i mean when i actually have the time to hand out with company and do anything but study. haha!
---------------------------
in 3 weeks time i would be off to laos! WHOOHOO!
(: ocip here i come!
---------------------------
INTRODUCING THE RAPEX

RAPEX: THE ANTI-RAPE DEVISE

Designed by Sonette Ehlers, Rapex - dubbed the 'rape trap' - is a South African product worn internally by women. The hollow inside is lined with rows of razor-sharp hooks, which are designed to latch on to a rapist's penis during penetration. They can only be removed by a doctor.

South Africa has the highest level of sexual assault in the world where a staggering 1.7 million women are raped every year. It has met opposition from both the government and feminist groups who call it a return to the days of the chastity belt.

now now, poor rapist

laughlaugh, your sorrows away.

2008-10-24T12:06:00.001-07:00

yayy a hippopotamus joke! (: have a great laugh.

[A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"]

a smile can brighten up your day.

emotional filled insecurities.

2008-10-23T10:20:00.000-07:00

candice is going to go hardcore slimming session. ive found out the route cause of my insecurities.
RUN CANDICE RUN.

i just have gotta be damn determined.
i wanna be sexy thin in a red corset.

2008-10-13T11:35:00.001-07:00

okay this place is going to be pretty dead. until i feel life again.

what a fool candice

2008-10-10T08:12:00.001-07:00

sometimes i wish i wasnt so emotional.
sometimes i wish i knew just once person to turn to when i need to.

no wait i know. but i also know that its going to be one hell of an emotional roller coaster.
and im just not ready for that.

not ready i say, but when would i ever be i ask.
maybe sometime soon, maybe never.

can i even say, please help me help my stubborn self?

damndamn

satisfy my heart.

2008-09-20T22:50:00.000-07:00

candice, you have chosen this path to take. stick through it and make sure you excel.

YAP LAUGHTER. (:

2008-09-17T08:30:00.000-07:00

MY SIBLINGS ARE CRAZY!

fear is wheels, smux night biking. 14september.

2008-09-14T10:10:00.000-07:00

AH! this must be the first smux event that the entire smux team was more or less around, and it was extremely fun! (: we cycled from places from east coast to kallang, ran around kallang looking for doll parts, then over to serangoon gardens as a pitstop to eat macdonalds, with the full tummy, we challenged the lornie road upslope down slope and headed to the lowerpierce reservoir! my knees and thighs nearly gave way man! but haha, i realised that cycling at night is really quite a nice therepeutic experience.

its awfully beautiful at night, and really, its simply amazing and tranquil. there was also a cemetery night walk, confidence test! we had to go into the cemetery walk way in pairs, and the brave jin jie has the freaky doll with him! i must say jj really has the sense of the gentle man and i didnt exactly feel all that scared with him around. (: cept for the fact that we kept rattling the doll for it to make noise and scare the other couples. all in all it was enjoyable really! my knees were threatening to buckle on the way back, and it really was quite shagging! BUT prata in the stomach drove us back home, and its another step to take to bond closer with the best people in smu! smux people, you rock my socks!

yingbin has the photos, and so does wilson. if i can get them in time, you guys would see them soon! cheers!

grandentrance into bondue,

my first organized dancers party

2008-09-12T11:10:00.000-07:00

dancers gathering at diane's house, mid autumn festival celebration: a time for laughs, joy, moon cakes lanterns and sparklers! (:
it truly brought joy to your hearts, even though the time was a short, a good short 4 hours. but this four hours represented the about of sacrifices each of us were willing to make in other to accommodate for each other.

people present: diane, perry ben, malvin, candice and LOUIS! it was awesome seeing louis and just catching up with everyone. food kept pouring out non stop, and most of our lanterns caught fire! HAHA! i'll try see if i can get photos from ben / diane. one more time next year! and the next and the next! (: its warming to the heart to hear from friends you once held so dear.

mid autumn means there has to have lanterns!

unfortunately some caught fire and burned!

and the playing of candles,

SPARKLER TIME!

and not to forget the cam whore dancers!.

perry, the driver!

catch a falling burning lantern, step it out with slippers

the life of an smu student, week 4 surviving.

2008-09-11T12:16:00.000-07:00

sometimes i really exhaust myself over stupid silly things.
i just browsed though 40 pages of facebook friends list to sieve out friends from smu!

i really need some discipline in life. taking on too many activities can be rather squeezing.
i think i'm getting better with photo shop! see my campaigning works! photoshopping is by me!

yes, its damn easy to procrastinate, harder to do the work.

2008-08-26T11:30:00.001-07:00

goodness my moods certain fluctuate. i dont understand why im such an under achiever.

whores unleashed

2008-08-26T10:52:00.000-07:00

theres only one thing i am really grateful LORD, for my heart, that you have taught me to appreciate and love.

not quite your typical whores.

every inch is important

2008-08-26T10:41:00.000-07:00

have you ever stop to think how much you really appreciate your body? have you ever realised exactly which parts of your body does the most work, touches the most surfaces, and lifts the most weight? have you ever stopped to imagine how one body part is able to contribute to your overall bodily function?

no it never occurred to me, it never ever occurs to me at all. i really take my body for granted, and mistreat it sometimes. now its already in the state of gluttony, and im trying to tone it down. how many a times have i looked at myself in photos and mirrors, staring and staring, deep in thoughts about how distorted my body looks, wishing that it would all just change with a blink of an eye? how many a times have i hit myself countless times, tearing my up clothes knowing that they dont rest nicely on my hip, waist, shoulder? how many a times do i simply mistreat my body by tanning it out in the sun, by bearing my legs to the jungle and sand.

this was what made me really stop and thing:
[1] a major ulcer. i never realised how often i would press the bottom of my tongue to the lower cleft until i had a lovely cut, and it started to hurt everytime i played with my tongue. unknowingly. see how important your tongue can be?
[2]a small little paper cut on the tip of my right middle finger. it bled quite a little when it was fresh, and then i had decided to let it close. but no it hurt, everytime i pressed a little pressure on it. notice how important your middle finger may be, in gripping, in evening out the weight, in helping to get a better clasp/ hold? the skin never healed entirely, and my itchy nails tore it apare, cause more bleeding.
[3] a blistering wound on your elbow. the wound was pussing and pussing and because of the movement of the elbow, the skin there just tore and tore everytime it healed. it hurts, and the area where the skin pused, burst and the wound enlarged. it pused again and the wound enlarged. and it hurt, everytime i carried a book/or brush my arm again my bag while wlking. i realised i never brushed my elbow with my bag that often, ony when i had my cut.

so there you go, theres another example of how a trial can be a learning process. never stop learning, never stop discovering. as what prof said in TWC class (techonology and world change) "chance favours the prepared mind"

indeed i say, indeed

NEW BEGINNGINS in smuuxxie land

2008-08-18T10:27:00.001-07:00

OKAY SCHOOL JUST STARTED, it was the first day and well, classes didnt go too badly as expected. really it was quite of a surprise actually. just felt a little awkward here and there. but i guess its a growing process to slowly adapt and to make things work out for me.

the only worry that i have of myself is that i would take on way too many committments that i would not be able to cope. already i am toying with the idea to drop my fifth module down to a fourth. after all its a social norm to take 4 modules. and yes i guess, i dont mind taking things slow, i dont want to rush my entire uni life away, this is were i must pace.

on the way home on the bus i was just thinking to myself, why is it i always have so many things to bring to school, and i look at all the office people that were sitting around me. their bags were as small as my pouch, guggi, guess prada LV, you name it they were all over. and then it stuck me that, i need to stop bring excess baggage to and fro. seriously, candy ye you got to get really focused. get to work. get away from work. you can do this. the laptop is used for work and solely work, dont go youtube and dont just simply stone and star at your nails darling! its really atrocious, sometimes this i feel is my weakness. to bring all my excess baggage around, and to not define my different lifes. god please grant me the wisdom and the discipline.
a toast to my new life. i want it to be a wonder.

SINGFEST 08'

2008-08-18T10:22:00.000-07:00

it was a private affair, i enjoyed myself, two days of pure fun. (: i didnt manage to catch photos of the artistes performing, so naturally, i camera whored! (: teehee! well you'll see myface, myface, and mojo's face. and the gradual stickiness that we all had in the blistering hot sun from 2pm to midnight. ah what bliss.

and yes we are both fans of monkey faces.

and yes it was a mosquito feast that two evenings.
life seemed happy for that short while.

overview and batam

2008-08-17T12:07:00.000-07:00

hello world,
i know i have not been updating much over the past month. haha! the whole whirlwind of orientation camps and trying to squeeze in time for special love ones in my schedule, despite not working anymore was simply exhaustive. im glad to say that i have survived a total of 5 orientation camps, made lots and lots of friends, and am rather hopeful that these new friends would turn into angels that would stay with me fore life! (: of course not excluding the lovely trip up to batam for a little short get away of rest and relaxation before school starts. stole some photos from verons blog, hopefully she doesnt mind. but her collages are simple and yet mesmerizing. i need to get a nice camera soon!

everyone started the trip off with super insufficient sleep. i was fixing my laptop and veron's gang were playing mahjong. haha!

here is the hotel, its called golden view hotel. not bad i must say. and we did lots of shopping there. basically adidas, but still haha!

of course you cant miss out on the traditional massage. we had to strip naked!

the view from the rainbow bridge was simply awesome. you could see the bright blue see from a distance and the mini islands of indonesia as well. while i was at the bridge, all i could think of was to get my diving license and go into the clear blue waters! super breath taking, and windy too!

this was some magic show, where people could eat glass and jump through fire, eat fire and even rip coconut husk with their teeth. worst of all i heard, to summon the spirits and do a shadow play. not bad indeed. its a livelihood i say.

cigerettes there were surprisingly cheap, something like $3 sing for a box or something like that? the boys went crazy, and you can really find very exotic looking packaging and types of cigerettes there. those without filters, those that we super thick, even the mildness or thickness of the flavour, you name it, they probably have it. but i only looked out for the mangoes! THERE WERE AWESOMELY SWEET!

HERES A LITTLE SMALL TEASER, WHEN I GET THE PHOTOS, THEN I'LL SHOW THEM TO YOU.

whirlwind in the tummy

2008-07-26T11:09:00.000-07:00

okay as of now, the past few days ive been having a REALLY BAD TUMMY GROWL, and i just shitted my urine out. yes i mean it, water came out from my colon, together with a nice long trumpet fart and bullets of shit pellets. HOW ORGASMIC I TELL YOU. gawd.... its like instant relief. its better than normal shitting though, cause everything comes out in 5 seconds. the only down side, you gotta bear with the pain. female hormonal cramp tolerance dont exactly help that much too. i just pray it heals really quickly and i can shit properly again.
[i think this is a sign, a sign that im getting too fat and i need to slim down, goodness im obsessed.]

ACJC ULTIMATE - CHAMPIONS IN THE 4TH INTER-JC ULTIMATE FRISBEE TORNAMENT YET AGAIN.
its a whole different feel from playing on the field, standing at the side lines and standing from the grandstands and having a birds eye view of the game play. and feeling a little distant from the team, i took the birds eye view route. its tremendously rewarding as you watch the team members play hard and dive and skive, going all out for the disc and seeing the awesome tzu-floor play. now im seriously considering going back to frisbee roots, shed that 6kg and running my tight ass for that plastic. hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, thoughts are flowing all over.

camps are about to start on monday, geee! its going to be a whirlwind into school term soon.

wanna be god of plastics?

gawd

2008-07-22T00:32:00.000-07:00

lots been happenign that i have lost my inspiration to even load up a proper post. even the last few camps that i did have been nothing but just pure draining of my energy, with little memorable impact made on me.

2D1N dellaselle primary school, primary three. very good school, but the students attentions were scattered all over it made it extremely energy consuming.

3D2N fuhua primary school, primary five. i had three very unique boys. learnt alot from personal experiences, but not very convenient to post up on blogs. please people, just dont be biased and give people a second chance to prove themselves, (eg yellow ribbon)

school pace has started, with a little freesom, i need a job soon.

stab in the chicken

2008-07-09T13:14:00.000-07:00

amen for theres nothing wrong with my xray.

for those who have not already heard from me, initially my x ray had some problems, it showed a little hole and it needed to get sent to the hospital for a double check. and this delayed the whole process of metriculation and cause a big whoo-hah for me to rush out metriculation and my tuition fee loans. well amen that i managed to finish up metriculation and i managed to finish my loans and that my body is perfectly fine. AMEN!

metriculation on monday was a blast, got some time to catch up with angel cyn and rong, and we went crazy with my lovely red specs and the ocbc smu card. lets all go spend! i also went crazy by opening up another DBS savings account and POSB my savings account. with the sudden influx of registrations and all, creation of a few passwords is a little mid boggling. hoho!

the next few weeks would be a mad rush for orientation camps! prospective smu lovelies, sign up for the same camps!
--]SHAZAM SPORTS CAMP 16-18 JULY
--]UNI-Y CIP CAMP 28-31JULY
--]BONDUE BUSINESS CAMP RUN 1 1-3AUG
--]SMUX CAMP 6-8AUG
--]FRESHMEN ORIENTATION BOOTCAMP 13-15AUG
--]CONVOCATION 16AUG

----------------------------------------------------------
MTV.COM AMERICA'S BEST DANCE CREW SEASON TWO IS HERE! GO CATCH IT, YOUR DAILY DOSE.

lovelove officially 5thjuly

compounded heart interest

2008-07-06T21:17:00.000-07:00

ive finally quit oosh, i figured no point going back to work if my heart is no longer there to fix things right. i bitchy sent in an sms resignation and well now my schedule is FREE. so i am slight more free to date all of you lovelies, just give me a tag and i'll definately call you back. cheers!

smu metriculation has started, just goes to show the extend as to which how face life is revolving, very soon i would be blowing twenty candles on a cake, and my my, theres no slowing down.

im very much putting on weight and mommie thought i was pregnant. help me, its affecting my self esteem.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
si ling primary five, saint johns island, 2-4july08, chief mojo
this is the first time i tried out a back to back camp, and basically, i started the camp on a rather emotionally strained note. coupled together with the strain of my voice. sexy start i must say.

this amazing thing about this camp was that, the children lead an extremely pampered lifestyle. right down from their parents to the teachers. this isnt a bad thing, but somehow i feel that sometimes this pamperment needs to be regulated, and the children must know the reason why certain thing happened.

one good thing i feel that i observed during the camp, the chief took over the song session. and the response from the children was DRASTIC. even the children that were sitting at the sides were responsive and participating actively in the song session! heres my evaluation of why, i think its because the children hold the chief with utmost respect. and when the chief is able to bring himself down to the level of the children, they would be able to understand the meaning of respect in a greater sense, one can be both firm and clown at the same time. instructors who lead song sessions is good, but the children already have an impression of the instructors has being capable to clowning around. one good take back note: never be afraid of embarassing yourself, humble yourself.

the instructors bonded quite a bit in this camp, being the only ones stranded on an island, with only each other to lead on. moreover, with about half of the instructors having this camp as the last camp, everyone was more than willing to throw their guts out and give this camp their best. im going to miss you guys: dave, jaz, farhana, miaosia, chia, elaine

compassvale primary 5, labrador moe adventure camp site, 30-2july08, lady veron the students respond extremely well to role playing and story telling. they are able to play along with the story. however, they need constant reminders and nagging in order to drill in a point that i am trying to bring across.

lucky for the children they had the entire day to sentosa, playing amusing race. pretty tiring i must say, and the children got pretty tired out as well. all in all, it went well.

the dustbin boy, his fav phrase: "every lil grain of rice!"

cute chubby boy! darius the lovely.

girls of my group

OCS tay guang liang - 26june2008 social night

2008-06-28T04:26:00.001-07:00

OFFICER CADET TAY GUANG LIANG SIR!

you are such a darling, thank you for letting me be your date during your ocs social night. one of the few rare times that i would actually bother to look really good just to be used as a flowervase! (: but all in all, its a very prestigious occasion i must say.

tay guang liang, you must be the most sensative and yet bitchy person ive ever loved hanging out with. thank you for all the times where we just sat down and you listening to me and my little girlie woes. thank you for always saying little one liners during times when i felt all demoralised and insecure, and boosting up the confidence of myself. especially about weight shape issues! hoho, no need for magic for a look awesome just the way i am! i'll never forget that liner, you angel. thank you for doing silly things just to humour me, you serious are the best gentleman out there. i'd volunteer to be your bridesmaid anytime! (:

ROUND AND ROUND THE 35METER BLUE CLOTH YOU SPIN.

you spin me right round,

payalebarmethodistgirlsschool, sectwo camp

2008-06-28T04:08:00.000-07:00

paya lebar methodist girls school, secondary two. 23rd - 25th june 2008
i honestly had really high hopes pinned out for the girls before the start of the camp. somehow i guess coming from an all girls school, the expectations and the bond that the girls shared, i had wished that it would have been an exact replica of what i had experienced during the 10 years that i had in mgs. well i must say, this camp was very different in its own ways. extremely different from the other high and hyper camps done previously. steered inthe gidly sense, and a bond for each otherness.

-->the girls were an awesome bunch of girls, each knowing the role and responsibility that they held. the only thing i could see missing was the push factor to allow each and every single one of them to just step out and lead. their motto went along the lines of servant leadership, one of the few principals that i was brought up to abide. and indeed, admist their own little cliques, there were plenty of opportunities for them to rise up to the occassion and lead and yet serve. all that i can pray for them is that, through life's obstacles, it'll push and mould them into taking ownership and pride in the way of life that they are being brought up with.

-->what i could see was that the girls were a very intelligence, and reflective, often critical and sometimes curious. once i mentioned to them the route cause of a certain action taken, they seemed to understand, and were willing to abide.

--> coming from an instructors point of view, i felt a little lost initially. i had to take on the solo group, group 17 which had no mirror group. it was a good opportunity for me to stretch myself once again to find out the various methods in which i could take on to empower the young. guess its a blessing in disguise that group 17 was disbanded into the other sixteen groups, and i was left wondering around and observing the other instructors in their pointers of debrief and commandcontrol. picked up quite a few good pointers that i would like to try out myself, (: eg telling stories during debrief or getting the whole group to cheer together with the participant.

-->jingting and camilla and shelly, the three angels that made me realise that indeed the camp wasnt a wasted course. jingting is the younger sister of jing ci, a total opposite of her sister, but a joy to be around with. somehow i see a slight reflection of myself in her, and i smile to myself.

--> though i didnt have a group, i got pretty bonded to a few girls frmo the class 29. study hard girls, put in your best and give everything your all. last but not least, if in doubt, pray to god.

i guess this camp for them was very much a stepping stone for the girls, to bond them together in mroe ways than one, so that their secondary three camp in outward bounds would be one that i had envisioned for them. to god be the glory, amen.

amen to the lord for the school being a methodist school, being a lost soul, its nice to go back to the heart of worship again.

we came we conquered, like how jesus conquered the grave

hair fetish.

2008-06-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

i went ahead to go pamper myself, and i got my hair in three colours. red and copper streaks with a deep purple base. I AM SUPER SEXY. all for the smaching cheap steal of $70 only. if you wanna have the same kind of special treatment, CAN! now my hair smells of hydrogen peroxide, but i feel sexy. and thats all that matters. (: CONFIDENCE BOOST

but i gave up my session of biking to go pamper. i might just go perm, see my mood!

kentridge seondary

2008-06-19T11:59:00.000-07:00

the kent ridge secondary, secondary three camp. dated 16th june to 18th june 2008, chief mojo. true reflections and step by step recount of the camp.
i think this is my sixth camp with campha, and you know every camp that i do, i seriously learn more and more about myself and more about the joys of the world.

just the day before the camp, when i was briefed about the camp: no mirror group and instructor. the group would be a mixed group with both normal academic normal tech and express students, you are left all alone to make or break this camp. its definately my first with interaction with normal streamed students and i feared getting the gangsters rowdy bunch of kids. to add on, campfire prep was the first activity, and is usually the most difficult activity to conduct when the group doesnt know much about each other yet. i honestly felt pretty uneasy about the situation, coupled together with what i associate myself with the lack of confidence, i told myself that this camp must be just a i-want-to-get-over-and-done-with kind of camp. but little was i wrong, TOTALLY WRONG.

this camp is the first for me in many aspects
-first in remembering every single campers name: 8 boys and 4 girls. thank you jazlyn lisa alicia natasha junming yasushi kiatkeong guojie ridzuan muz haffiz nataniel. i saw that this bunch of kids had alot of potential in them, lots of independence, lots of zeal to learn, lots of passion for each other. all they need is someone patient enough to nurture them and they'll be angels. even the prominent leaders were pretty outstanding and received commendation from the other instructors.
-first in actually going through the activities with the kids: absailing zipline rebirth.
REBIRTH was a little challenging, i was pretty game to do everything to get the respect of the kids, and at the same time having a fun and memorable experience with the kids. you know the values of me preaching about trusting your friends and really giving everything your all in whatever you do, i really experienced what i preached. i mean yes its easy to trust in someone who you work with, but its a whole new life changing experience to actually trust in your kids, and knowing that they wont leave you, its never easy to trust in small things, especially children.
ABSAILING ZIPLINE, was ultimately fun, its one thing to go through it and yet making it seem effortless for the children. my next challenge, the CRC (:
-first in which i had people who i knew in camp, kimberly was natania's sister and beverly was from mgs in which whom she remembered me. these two lovely girls had so much life brimming in them, its simply amazing. kimberly has lots of leadership potential, and shes pretty rational, knowing what needed to be done at exactly when, and knows when to prioritise properly. bev on the other hand was brimming with so much joy in her, and her smile was simply infectious. thus i made it a point to make this camp rather personal for me, i had to make this camp impactful for these two special souls to remember.

i put in pretty alot of emotion into this camp, and i was actually slightly nervous for the kids when the campfire performance didnt seem good enough when the kids seemed lethargic. campfire was a blast though, auto hyper auto high. we did yinnadeputt and did a little cross leg version. followed by a really cool chereographed dance to mundian to bach ke. then followed by the all famous na na na cheer and did a little ooishi remix. (: POWER PACKED I TELL YOU.

all in all, "we came we cheered, together we learn more"
YOU GUYS LEAVE ME SPEECHLESS, I LOVE YOU GUYS.
mojo tried something new, like asking instructors to do a little reflections during the camp. but you know i have problems expressing myself, especially if i know people are going to read it directly. so here is what i felt about the camp. little kids but big learning points.
this is my 100th post. yay to a century.

SPREAD THAT LIMBO FEET

2008-06-15T06:24:00.000-07:00

im pretty addicted to the limbo rock song, the dj spinned it at oosh one day and im just so addicted to it. hello limbo!

yongxian lovely finally managed to drag me out to play badminton with him and chings and his friends. this little 2 hour exercise is probably the first in about 6 months since i last actually wore my sports gear and got my arms flabbing! (discounting the time i went for lyrical at old school). im glad to say that the dancer strick of prancing around and court is still with me.

off to camp coming 16-18th june, kent ridge secondary three.
see you world, why are you suddenly throwing me with the jugglement of coloured balls.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HAPPY PAPA'S DAY, I LOVE YOU DADDIE YAP!

everytime you hug me when i come home late into the night, i just wish i could stay there forever.

thank you for embracing the wuxia me, thank you for embracing the stubborn me.

i only want to bring you happiness.

regurgitation of the weeks

2008-06-12T11:35:00.000-07:00

ah and so this week has gone by pretty smoothly, (: i quite liked how the week progressed. i shall do a little count back recap on the weeks' events. plus a little tingle on my feelings too. and i'll start with the dates that i am able to ramble off at the top of my head.

07/06/08 (saturday)
well parents basically were out of town, they went to malaysia to see my grand parents and to attend the church camp. heard it was a really good trip up and down, thank god for their safety! (: but but but, on the other hand me and darryl decided to open up the house and do a little spring cleaning to the fridge. plans sort of seems to fall through last minute and i got rather flushed with the plans, but i managed to have fun free people like sam see, xiang un, shi han and mojo over.
i dont exactly remember the 21 sequence, but there were bits about xiang's boobs and sam's anus grinding sexually vigourously ... condom!

08/06/08 (sunday)
best friends introduction session, i had lunch with my crazy girl cyn and we just managed to catch up on LOADS LOADS on life and its shit. shokudo the japanese marche was pretty okay, but it didnt exactly blow me away though. its a good experience.
GOODNESS: cyn allowed me to taste heaven with STARBUCKS (C) ICE BLENDED COFFEE WITH JAVA CHIP AND HAZELNUT SYRUP. its goodnessly rich and thick. i had a craving for it for almost the rest of the week, it workds better than vitasoy and milk.

daddy and mommmie came home, and we sat down and chit chat alot on the trip and my uni applications. apparently i heard that smu has NO CANTEEN. can you believe it, no canteen, half my life is gone. I NEED FOOD AND SNACKS TO SURVIVE. but town food, gosh im going to go broke that way.

09/06/08 (monday)
10/06/08 (tuesday)
two draggy days of going to bbdc and (1) failing my final theory test (2) passing 2B (1.03). at least i was pretty elated and confident on the bike this time around, man am i going to give you guys a spin once i clear my traffic police. the next FTT date is all the way next month, which suppose to give my time to study again, but think driving thing is really taking a toil on me, its quite draggy.

11/06/08 (wednesday)
cyn got her knee operated on, and i managed to pull along angel, queks and toy down to visit her. i totally went on a pampering spree and bought a few stuff that may bring her some sort of comfort, i'll rattle off some of our little indulgences: sunkist orange juice 2 litres, royce chocolates champagne, 4D preserved mangoes, gummies, strawberries. and with all that, i even managed to win for her a colour changing mug from pepsi, which i left on her side table for her to enjoy.

the evening was a blast, perry candy with ipod speakers and tequila vodka johnnie walker gold at quek's hidden little gazebo. WE GOT OURSELVES SUPER WASTED. yayy im wasting my life away really, but shit it felt soo good when i hit that high.

12/06/08 (thursday)
TODAY: i didnt manage to pass 2B (2.01) because there wasnt enough time to complete the lesson, but honestly i think with enough time i would be able to ace that lesson and would have gone on to 2.02, but slowly slowly, i know i need that time to practice and i really shouldnt be rushing. god's sign i guess. well hopefully i'll ace it again this saturday. CCHEERS!

ive mixed feelings on smu business, please lord, only with your directions.

FREAKY CRYSTAL BALL

2008-06-06T22:34:00.000-07:00

well i was pretty bored at work, and so i decided to slowly clear up my facebook account and do a few little quizes here and there. this throughly shocked me, its freaky how i feel about myself, or rather how i like to characterize myself is actually predictable. hmmmm, round round the magic crystal ball, i only do not belief in my successful career path, i hate literature for nuts sake. i want to open up my cafe! i want to have a wedding events management company! BIG DREAMS BIG DREAMS.

heres what my birthdate reveals about me, 11th feb 1989
lucky colour: saffron
personality strengths: optimism and wit
personality weakness: over - confidence
successful career path: literature
sense of humour style: campy
adjectives to describe me: adventurous, enterprising

short description about ME!: A hip non-conformist who truly stands for his/her beliefs - you are out to make a difference in this world, and you have a realistic chance of success. You have always been self-driven and derive your inspiration from those close to you. Ambitious - and why shouldn't you be - the sky is the limit for you!

praypray

2008-06-01T06:47:00.000-07:00

god help me with the decisions that i just made.

I ENTERED INTO SMU BUSINESS MANAGEMENT.

i trust you lord, amen

2008-05-31T01:43:00.000-07:00

hello world,

the past week has seen me rushing out to finish biking and driving all at one shot. i hope that with whatever spare time i have now, i may be able to cover as much ground as possible!
the lastest update and progress:
2B - finished up basic theory lessons 1.01
- finished up riding theory lessons 1.01 and 1.02
- completed practical lessons 1.01 and 1.02

3 - passed basic theoy test
- studying for final theory test
- going to sit for first driving lessons in 5 days time.

im actually considered pretty slow, but im still quite excited that im taking on such a challenge. ladies and gentleman, to those who are learning how to bike and to those who can bike, you are welcomed to be part of my convoy when i finally get my license. (: SPEEDS THE THRILL!

RESTLESS V
todays the last day of the concert and it has certainly marked a full round of how my life has changed so far. the past five month, ive stopped dancing stopped exercising worked myself to the bone and become horizontally challenged. but no im going to try and kick the horizontally part out. just you wait and see, hot yoga here i come!
so back to the topic on restless, i wish that this year's restless would be a pretty emotional one for me. for personal reasons and a significant act to watch us grow. amen.

dear god, if this angel that youve send me is really the one, watch my heart and let it heal.

westsprings: five for remembrance

2008-05-27T10:40:00.001-07:00

hello world, im back from the mad exhilirating train ride up and down pahang. and i had myself a blast. 4D3N camp basically went by a breeze with only approximately 2D worth of ACTUAL WORK. but i must say the experience yet again is humbling.

day one: ten hours worth of train ride all the way up to kula lipis. the cabin that my class had just so happened to be ride next to the canteen cabin, so the heat and the food kep the kids up majority of the trip. i was dead tired though, but an instructors gotta keep awake and make sure the kids are fine. the boys were a rather sensative bunch, and they really looked out for one another, including me. surely the lord's eyes were on us the whole trip. trials and tribulations come, but only to make me strong. to know the trial, i'd tell you: i got touched.

day two: gosh the hotel that we had was tight smack in the middle of a shopping center. and we each checked into a room and crashed for 30 mins before having to prep for the next day.

we had white water rafting! 20 full seconds of going down the rapids and 30 mins worth of being spartan-like drudging down the 10km stream. one two one two roll roll roll your boat gentle down the stream, if you see a crocodile dont forget to scream. RAH! one two one two.

day three: a mad rush to complete our campfire prep was in the plans, and we managed to finally piece everything together in appx 40 mins, inclusive of the "quick eat fast and practice on the bus" times.

COMMUNITY INVOLVEMENT for the kids took them to see the orang aslis. they are the native malaysians who still reside amongst the jungle and rely on fishing and hunting as their means of livelihood. a pity that islamity has changed majority of their living lifestyle and the efflux of young men to the urban to seek jobs leave the villiage flooded with young children females and elderly. mode of transport: motor cycle. no license needed, just crank that engine and veevv off. away with the wind. oh how i envy them sometimes.

CAMPFIRE: did a little twist this time, taught them the cheer used for clan heads. was quite a success in their eyes, little talk about winning and fighting and alot of noise making. they loved it.

day four: another drudging 10 hour train ride back totally combusted all sense that i had with me, i slept for appx 8 hours of the way.

i really like this job, and i really like the way it pushes me and gives me opportunities to see the world with my very own eyes. thank you lord.

-------------------------------------------------------------

please watch after my dearest friend, a young so tragic i cant comprehend.

bless her with the inner strength, with peace and wisdom to accept the situation

bless me with the proper tongue, that words would never cut but comfort,

bless her with her family, that love and affections all surround,

bless me with the listening ear, to hold her hand and kiss her dear.

amen.

sneak peek into campha: after radinmas

2008-05-19T12:15:00.000-07:00

SEE YOU IN FIVE DAYS TIME WORLD!

2008-05-19T12:04:00.000-07:00

the month of may has really been my month of travelling. i think i really am quite blessed to finally find a job that i enjoy doing so much, as well as allowing it to take me to places. exclusive of my bintan trip vacation, this is how much blessings campha has given me.

kota tinggi with radin mas primary six
saint johns island with dunman high level two
pahang with west spring secondary three

i only pray that the memories that i experience during each trip will be kept with me, and hone up my leadership/ patience with children and peers alike.
....................................................................
back to reality, my university applications finally came through.
ive got want i wanted, and ive got what i was confident of getting.
how for the really tough part.
to choose between smu or nus.

somehow my parents just dont seem supportive of my decisions. and are leaving everything up to me. honestly im totally lost and i have no idea what i should be doing. to go for the community based, or to go for the route that seems to be the better one even though my heart doesnt lie there?

die candice die, decide soon man.
....................................................................
CANDICE HAS PASSED HER BTT. finally she had the time to do her BTT.
heres whats next, her RTT and PRACTICAL FOR 2B. driving will be on a hold until further notice.

faith in the little soul of mine

jumbled up phrases

2008-05-06T12:05:00.000-07:00

ah gosh, just when i actually thought that quitting two jobs would give me more time and freedom, but somehow i still find myself stranded trying to juggle the even more activities that i wanted to take up. so far i had planned to go for yoga classes, gymming, getting myself a lovely sewing machine to hem up all my pants. at least i managed to get one thing done, i finally cleaned up my room! well its just actually basic reorganizationa nd chucking the mess into different wardrobes. now to fix the study room. imaging this, all the indulgences that i wanted to go for like facials and massages and driving lessons are all being put on hold again, at least until i see holes within my scehdule! i pray soon!

but ah okay, reflective mood turned on. i realised one of my biggest/ weakest flaws. i based my own self confidence with the way i view myself and my physical body. no im not going to go into a tyrade of how i think i have lost my body shape and how ive bloated up, how ive to fit into baggy clothes and try to console myself that i still love myself for my personality. i mean i really do love myself, but you know sometimes its just really SO DAMN HARD to not deem my self worth on physical images. and you know what, i actually think im occasionally bulemic and anorexic.

BULEMIC - HAVING A DISTORTED PERCEPTION OF YOUR BODY AND BRIGING AND THEN PURGING.
ANOREXIC - HAVING A DISTORDED PERCEPTION OF YOUR BODY AND THEN STARVING YOURSELF.

simply put that is, its a hard fact but i think ive come to realise it. this is a secret im willing to let out. and i actually know it. but i dont think im ready enough to quit from it yet.
come on, weight's been something i have always had to tackle ever since i was young. no being able to do the things that i really aspired to do. its just damn sad, and i dont want to go into details. thats just self pity.

i call myself a foodie,
sometimes food is the only escapade for me.
but it'll only get me down.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
happy note of the day, with so much free sms that i dont actually send out with my two phones, i started texting my younger brother and well, the response from him is good! i even gave him tuition. how to break his selfish shell. im going to start telling my daddy that i love him and im going to tell my mommie how much i appreciate her. once i get around to phrasing my words correctly.

11may: mommies day
12may:darryl's birthday
*a pity we arent going out to celebrate, darryl's got exams. give and take, i bought darryl a whooping ass vintage vest from cheap ol' bintan.
-------------------------------------------
life in a nut shell for the week
[6] oosh 12noon - 8.30pm, meet the ac ulti for dinner
[7] oosh 12noon - 8.30pm, meet mojo for pre camp briefing
[8] - [10] : campha @ kota tinggi
[11] oosh 12noon - 8.30pm, family day!

I THANK GOD FOR LIFE!

hicks and mishicks

2008-04-28T12:51:00.000-07:00

the day today turned out with really unexpected turns, i really like it when there are unexpected turns! i spent the last four hours online downloading phuture and mambo songs, its going to be a clubbing fest in my ipod, WAHAA.

FRI SAT SUN MON: CANDICE IS IN BINTAN.

i managed to register myself for driving (PRIVATE CLASS 3 MANUAL) and biking (CLASS 2B SCHOOL). wonderful thing is that for biking, both theory and practical lessons can be taken at the same time, so i can actually drive first without having my theory test yet, but haha, im going to be a responsible girl and read the little booklet and make sure i know everything i need to know first before actually getting on the bike itself. to people reading this post, please keep hush cause my parents arent aware of this yet. i will tell me mom when i feel that im ready.

BEN AND JERRY FREE CONE DAY, (: YAYY. 29TH APRIL 2008.

random blahh

2008-04-27T12:32:00.000-07:00

theres always the ups and downs to life, and when you are down, you just feel all selfish with zero purpose in life, and you feel like drinking bottoms up to waste the moments away.

the only thing that keeps me sane is my family and close friends.

happy 26th anniversary daddy and mommie, the children love you loads.

the only other insane monkey who embraces my insanity.

2008-04-13T00:01:00.000-07:00

yayy (: i finally got my call for SMU interviews, (:

goodness know how anxious i was waiting for three whole weeks for at least some sort of news. the next thing im afraid off, the interview itself!

i took three whole days off, and i throughly enjoyed life during that three days, yippee. (:

im finally back at munch, again. hopefully i can hold out! (:

guitar sketched

2008-03-31T00:31:00.000-07:00

MY GAWD, I WISHED MY FUTURE HUSBAND WOULD SING THIS TO ME. this must be the most romantic song ive ever heard.

Artist: Barry Louis Polisar
Song: All I Want Is You

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

repeat x2

[chorus]
All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, let the cold winds blow

[chorus]

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

[chorus]

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

[chorus]

guitar sketched song

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JABBAWORKEEZ WON THE AMERICAN BEST DANCE CREW, (:(: AWESOME STUFF, WATCH THEM SHAKE THEM STUFF.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FUN O RAMA IN SCHOOL WAS SUPER REWARDING, I GOT TO CATCH UP WITH PEOPLE WHO MATTER THE MOST TO ME. ESPECIALLY MY BELOVED TEACHERS! AND I LEARNT, MY LITTLE EVERYDAY RANTS ARE NOTHING COMPARED TO THE WORD CALLED SUFFERINGS. SO I SHOULD JUST LEARN TO BE GRATEFUL.

dear family,

2008-03-26T12:26:00.000-07:00

im sorry i was so harsh with you last night. i just felt utterly disappointed with the whole situation. im not trying to find anybody to blame or anything to find fault with, im just so sick of being disappointed time and time again. i mean i do understand that everyone is busy and yes i might be a little lazy and leave things to last minute, but i dont think that is a valid point to "blame" at all because i made every possible necessary action needed to ensure that im safe.

i just feel that i dont really get much support from the family at all, in everything that i try to do, i work my ass super hard to get to where i am or where i stand. i always try to comfort myself, telling myself that okay im sure they would be proud of me and im sure they would support me in everything that i do. and i know you do. but i just dont feel it that geniunely through the actions that i observe, coming from you.

i can honestly tell you, i am an attention seeker. but think deeper and ask me again why i am an attention seeker, simple. i just dont feel that im valued that much despite knowing how much i am worth. probably explains my low self esteem and probably paseudo confidence and smile. i feel so fake some times, fake to people around me, fake in having to always just swallow my pride and just tell myself to suck it up and depend on myself. i just wish i had something or someone to really appreciate my efforts.

i know when i want something i slog really hard for it. and maybe why i slog so hard for it is becuase i want to achieve, and maybe when i achieve i would be able to get some attention from people who matter the most to me, my family. but at the end of the day, i feel like a trophy child. an achievement that i would want to celebrate within my family is let out like a public cry of fire. i hate it, i honestly hate it. just freaking shut your mouth and i will tell all of you when im ready to. otherwise just let me be in private peace.

i know ive brought this up many many times, and i would bring it up again. i feel that the only thing that i can depend on the family is financially. it may not be true, but its the only thing that i have asked from you and have not been disappointed. its seems to be a much more easier thing to dispense than love.

i can safely say one of the few reasons why i want to be so independent is so that i dont have to rely on you. not to rely on you for money, not to rely on you for anything, everything to be earned through my own merits credits and willpower. totally contradicts what i want from you though. but cant you just love me for being so independant and stop nagging me? i know i leave my room in a mess and i know i dont go to church. but cant you be proud of me with taking my own initiative to go out into the working world and experience life for myself? cant you be proud of me for achieving the little things that i have?

im sorry im just not turning out the way you visioned your little girl to be, a good mannered little christian church going girl who doesnt have a temper and is sweet and mild mannered, im sorry i cant be that. im a brash little attention seeking over achieving girl. i did tell you that i needed attention a few times before, but i only got called green eyed monster. so much for voicing my opinions to be "heard". you know its not that i dont want to, i try, i really try so hard, but it just doesnt work for me.

yes i may hold a thousand jobs and limit myself with little rest and time to concentrate on other activities, but cant you just be proud of me for learning how to grow up on my own? maybe sometimes i work so hard is to earn enough money and not to even depend on you for it, to avoid being disappointed in another area. simple example that i can give you, i work hard and i excel and i earn enough money, i spend a portion of it on items that i deem justifiable. but when i take these items out, the only comment i get is, "wah! annother new item again, so much money AH?!" i mean like, its my reward to myself maybe? i may be squandering, but i deem it justifiable so please just stop harping on it.

all in all to sum it up, i just feel that you arent there for me. fullstop. maybe there physcially, but not emotionally or mentally. i dont feel that lovfe, i dont feel the support. you might say you are and you always will be, you might say that "hey thats not true" but heres just a fat piece of my mind.

i know its not easy and i know there arent much chances to really try. but cant you just love me for being me? all i ask is that you support me in the decisions that i make (i know you already do) and just be there when i really need someone to be there. im so sick of relying on my own willpower and self comforting bed. i need to say my piece, i need to be heard.
note: this ranting post is entirely not justified. im writing it in a moment of emotional flurry. the tears are blurrying my thoughts.

i mean, i still love you and i would do anything for the family. but i just feel disappointed time and time again.

-- with love, candice.

2008-03-24T12:28:00.001-07:00

heres my lastest addiction, the loving drugg.

DANCE

IM A JABBA KABA FAN. (:

i finally got down to thinking.

2008-03-24T11:52:00.001-07:00

i think ive made a resolution to myself, time is ticking and the clock is running out, im finally going to do some serious amendments to my life.

im going to:
-finally get myself enrolled in a driving school and read up as much as i can
-get my ass back dancing, i promised mondays to the dancers so mondays it shall be.
-try my best to head to church and meet steph before time runs out.
-START PLANNING FOR MY FREAKING HOLIDAY MAN, TO HONGKONG BANKOK OR BALI I DONT CARE, IT CAN EVEN BE TO SUNWAY LAGOON FOR ALL I CARE, IM GOING.
-find my ipod, fix up my ipod, and cherish my ipod
-find my camera, fix up my camera, and cherish my camera

resolutions on hold:
-clear up my room, junk all my old unwanted clothes to a boy for donation to salvation army.
-clear up the study room and junk my books away.

today was a lovely evening, the dancers came over to oosh to celebrate diane's birthday! (: a wonderful surprise, a lovely change, i really love the blessings god has giving me. now for me to cherish them and give back as much as i can. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DI!

today is jasmine's last day and elvi has left, gosh i really need the strength and patience to handle new staff without appearing bossy or show favouritism. ive got to get there some how, i admire sq girls i aim to be an sq girl, but height is limiting me, so watch me prowl as i get my way around growing up. be nice, be smart, be very sincere, and do not show that im a little kid who likes to slack, though its my nature, discipline girl. you knew you were never that loose even though you knew you had the capacity to, so keep it tight. discipline girl.

and i should stop procrastinating, things on hands now, applications and monday dance classes.

i'll get my tight ass back again, i need that figure boost.

2008-03-18T11:32:00.000-07:00

ah yes, support my GP teacher's live journal public speech thing,

SOAP BOX: http://admin-soapbox.livejournal.com/

nut cracker

2008-03-18T11:18:00.001-07:00

its been some time since i actually took the time off to just blog about the daily happenings and blessings that ive been receiving! trials are there to make me stronger, and sitautions are there to make me wiser.

the day went on with work before leaving an hour earlier to head to town to catch a breather for myself. i have to get it in my head that i cannot sell myself to work all the time and yes i do need some time to myself, when i need it i need it. so currently right now the situation that requires most of my attention would be my university applications.
im thinking:

SMU BUSINESS (MAJOR) SMU ECONS (MINOR)
NUS BUSINESS ADMIN (MAJOR) WITH UNIVERSITY SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAMME

at least its no harm trying out and applying for them.

so i headed down to town and decided to park myself at starbucks with a venti cup of green tea latte. ive been spending quite a big, in big amounts too, but now is not the time for me to get all calculative and being harsh on myself. so that will come later after the 1st of april.

a surprise call came from kaiyi, and both kaiyi and jerome decided to make their way down to paragon to accompany me for a little while while angel and cynthia turn up. turns out in the end they stuck all the way right out through the night, even accompanying us to newton to grab some good food supper too! it was a lovely night with the people who matter the most and yet i see the least and contact only minimally. thank god for them too, or life wouldnt be so sweet. credits to angel chris, cynthia, jerome, kaiyi.

now whats still bugging me, writing that short 300 word essay on why smu should accept me. i am so not prepared to enter into university, god help me and find me a way that you deem best. i dont feel responsible enough yet. university to me is just the most appropriate way to go, not the most ideal way that i want to go. why does the world turn so round? nut cracker.

on better news, iva got an indulgence, everybody please go indulge in some wonderful dancing at mtv.com = america's best dance crew.

wakeup call: its a do or die mentality now

bitter sweet symphony.

2008-03-16T08:41:00.000-07:00

the past month, ive been though what you can call the four seasons of emotions. ive been bitter, sour, sweet and bland. mostly bland i must say. all i can pray for is strength and wisdom, the same two things that i pray for every year during my birthdays. im 19th now, im stronger too.

2008-03-03T07:29:00.001-08:00

im glad i finally have an outlet to express my feelings of fustration of the management over here at oosh. hopefully something good comes out of it. another bit of juicy news, (i dont know whether i want to take this in my stride of with bitterness) is that all the seniors in oosh that i really admired alot and had lots of fun working with have mostly all quit already. ah gosh. i guess its a new beginning to restart all over again.

other hot news at hand is that a level results are going to be out this friday! :)

2008-02-23T07:00:00.001-08:00

you know, if there was one world wish that i could have. i wouldnt wish for world peace, neither would i wish for the end of poverty. you know what i would wish?

that there is never such a thing as politic and attitudes.

i seriously am quite drained.

just in the last week ive seen enough and experienced enough of people pushing their weight around, enough of seeing cocky people puching ME around. i can be really patient at times, and i can forgive quite a bit, but i am really getting quite drained when i try to work so hard to do the right thing, get things right and not screw up, and yet get really fucked left and right. im really sorry for using this word but im really just sick and tired of being over shadowed. im sure i have potential, its just somewhere in me! but when will it show? gahh. im very fustrated resigned and ready to just give up on everything. know whats best of all, working has gotten me too far stung away from my best friends that i really have no one to rant to, or rather i dont want to rant at them because its simply not fair.

life simply isnt fair sometimes right? but im sure its to make me stronger. somehow sometime.
in his time.

2008-02-18T08:51:00.001-08:00

i have been working six days in a row straight at oosh, it is super tiring man. shit it.

goodbye joanne, ooshy

2008-02-11T12:14:00.000-08:00

these photos are of me and joanne working at oosh, its a pity that joanne has left to go work at canada, but heres my life! :)

ive found my wedding singer, its going to be casey and the drummer, matnoor! :)

the rhythimc jazz with the angelic voice.

the bee day the bee day

2008-02-11T11:15:00.000-08:00

YAYY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CANDICE! IM SWINGING NINETEEN! THE LAST YEAR OF TEENAGEHOOD MAN!

firstly, thank you to all my lovelies who wished me via various methods, facebook/ sms/ calling/ surprising me at brekos and wine company, thankyou! :) you guys really rock my world BIG TIME.

celebrations for my birthday have never been any simpler and fulfilling. i did very minimal planning, and best of all i got to spend this lovely day with a whole lot of lovely people! i really thank god for giving me so many blessings and so many friends in my life. truely he has been faithful, atlast i know i cant say the same of myself.

and so i kickstart my entry into the last year of teeange hood on sunday, the 10th, a day before the actual thing. it was a really cosy steamboat dinner with all the sumptious delicious food that a king can ever indulge in! beef pork chicken fish prawn roes egg mushroom veggies, even abalone! everything and anything thing i liked, you can always trust my father to entertain the big yap family who are real foodies. :) we ended up with alot of food left over, mommie was right about the food wastage and excessive eating. but deep in mt heart i was just really thankful that celebrations with my family was more homely then ever, (factoring in the fact that i am hardly ever at home now adays) and im just thankful for it. it worked out good cause darryl couldnt walk properly too. (oh yes i have not mentioned, darryl got his knee operated on and is on crutches now)

after dinner, i cabbed down to dempsey to go meet cyn, and that lovely girl threw a mini surprise for me at the wine company. the surprise was mainly quek and shane, and shane doing all the shopping and scrurrying around for the last minute arrangements. thanks guys i was really touched. and althought i sort of knew something was happening, i still was very touched. before heading down i knew that alot of people had to work on monday and hence couldnt be around. quek still came even though he started his first day of work at barclays the next monday. thanks guys! :) i had a bouquet of lovelie pink roses in purple wrapping, simple and meaningful.

the next few hours whizzed past really quickly with people like google and alex lim, andy and james joining in at different times to spruce up the lifeliness of the conversation. we had our litle indulgences in ben and jerrys, the wine company and at oosh. (*body shots!) locely lovely time i had, and the first six hours of the 11th of feb was spend well exhausted playing drunkard frisbee and talking nonsensically and with dirty connotations. still it was memorable. thanks again guys. the night was spent in the comfort of aircon in cyn's house.

i had a really good indulgence of sleep all the way until 3pm before me and cyn finally dragged each other up to catch the 445pm sweedney todd movie. i had really high expectations of the show, and partly because of johnny depp. i mean, okay johnny was good, i was totally freaked out. but i was more freaked out of the blood slashing than anything else. eeee, its one of the shows that i would never ever watch again, just a nice passing movie to waste some time. i know lately movies have not been fancying my platter of entertainment.

SETH AND RENZHENG: THE TWO LOVELY GENTLEMAN GOT ME AN AWFULLY HUGE MRS FIELDS COOKIE CAKE! ah thank god for buddies like them who would look after me. this two dudes have been like my body guards, amen! it really was a lovely surprise cause i never expected it. so yes, its in my fridge now and i cant bear to eat it at all! renzheng, please takecare of yourself in army! and seth, dont over work your bones.

dinner was at holland V with the barker boys, namely nick prash and tim, and the surprise i got was the group of dancers happily eating at brekos all armed with a lovely toy hippo, an inflated balloon and a sunflower! :) i also managed to get my brekos card free of charge. we shared a little and had our laughs, i really love the dancers. :) then we headed over to 2am when google bryangoh andy and james joined us again. DESSERT WAS AWESOME oh my goodness! :) really was awesome i must say, :) andy got me a nice bouquet of flowers, james got me the lychee white wine. thanks to shane cyn and the wine company people, i finally know the different taste between wines. now the problem i got to learn is how to appreciate them. :)

its about 4am now and i had spend the last 3 hours typing out my birthday wishes and gratifications that we sent via sms/ facebook/calls. somehow recording it all down allows me to reflect quite a bit about my life and how blessed i am. thankyou for the wishes friends, im sorry i ahve been rather busy working and all, and me being the usual absentminded me to forget certain friends, i really miss you guys and thankyou for making an impact in my life.

chinese new year feasting as been getting to me, i already feel my tire bloating up. time for a diet now? haha

i procrastinate all the time.

family debate.

2008-02-08T09:46:00.001-08:00

hello everyone,
gosh its been such a long time since i last blogged about my life. i guess time is really not on my hands to jolt down little conversations and random thoughts that swim around my mind and i want to keep for memory's sake. well firstly, i want to wish everyone a very happy chinese new year.

im stealing some time from work to just jolt down a little about the past few days. my older brother darryl is really smart, and althought he may not be intellectually smart, i must admit that he thinks super alot and has a really high level of eq and iq as well! so on the way to reunion dinner last wednesday, we were driving up to my grandmother's house to meet her before we headed down to some nearby restaurant. and i made a passing remark about wanting to get married in about 5 years time, and thats sparked off a major debate involving my brother, his theories that are really weird but ones that made really alot of sense and my dad. so the debate was about: CAN YOU REALLY PUT A TIME LINE TO ANYTHING, AND PLANNING.

my dad's point of view was that you definately have to plan, you have to plan for example whether you are going to build up your career first or whether you are going to save up enough for university. but darryl's point of view was something along the lines that you can never ever put a time line to life/fate. because taking for example, the statement that i want to get married in 5 years time, the basic fundamental assumption that has to be fulfilled first would be that i have already found someone or have someone ideal in order for the statement to be true.

my brother then went on to elaborate about love and relationship principals to be exactly the same as business principals. take the meslow hirachy of needs, there is the things that needs to be satisfied and the non satisfied areas that need to be settled. if one person actually fulfills all your citerea of satisfication, it might not necessarily mean that the non satifacotry means have been achieved. similarly, if this particular some one does not have everything that you do not like, it does not necessarily mean that he's got everything that you like. so how are you going to clearly define out our plans in your life? thats definately something to chew on for thoughts. :)

born on the black list

2008-01-22T01:42:00.001-08:00

and so edwin says, ive been promoted up to the PRO of MUNCH GLOBAL INITIATIVE PTE LTD. well i still have a lot more to learn, but im finally granted the trust and zeal to be taking charge of the deliverys and orders most of the time. and i must say i do take alot of pride in it, its something small, nothing recognizable, zero pay rise, but its still a little trust between colleagues, its a small climb up the corporate ladder. hello world, im ready to take you on. :)

the 22nd of january, cynthia and quek popped by MUNCH to have luncheon with me and to do a little bit of SAT mugging and all. its slightly nerve wrecking that SATS is this saturday and im not even half way done through one paper. oh darn it, its getting slightly scray. its the second time cyn has popped into MUNCH and quek's first, but they both have popped into OOSH before, i seriously love you guys man, you rock my world, and its these little surprises and meetups that i really treasure before army and university hits us full blow. amen lord amen.

now every day has to have a bad side somehow, and heres the news. candice ye huijuan has lost her identification card, along her way from 112 robinson road down to maxwell market, if so should any good soul pick it up, please dont be a prick and admire it, but be a lovely thorn and RETURN IT TO ME! gahh, or one week's wages will have to be pumped into getting a replacement, and thats going to hurt a whole lot more.

im toggling with taking up a third job coming feb, just to earn a couple more bucks. im going to have to start factoring in biking lessons soon, and i have to sit through class 2B 2A before i can get to a class 2 and drive my lovely kawazaki. and i know exactly what colour i want my kawazaki to be, SHIMMER WHITE WITH PURPLE/ORANGE STRIPES. little beng, but trust me, you'll love me for it.

the super over achiever wanna be who needs attention man.

2008-01-16T11:49:00.000-08:00

oh my gawd SATS is exactly one week away and im way not prepared for it. i think working on saturday shift at dempsy is really getting the toil on me. simply because of the mad rush after i wake up on the early afternoon of sunda, rushing down with a groggy head for league being all tired and fatigued.

i had to skip league again this sunday 20th jan thanks to my total laziness for not preparing for sats earlier. somehow i can feel myself loosing the zest for life, or at least loosing time to do the things that create MY zest for life.

zesty things on hold; chilling out with my friends, frisbee love, dancing to the groove, camera snapping.

at least theres a few things to look out for, 16th feb SD3 class outing to the gardens. 24th-26th feb AC DANCE chalet at sentosa. its all slowly coming back again, amen. (last edited post 20th jan 08, 4:46pm)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i look at ANDY and i sigh, i wish i had the time to play starcraft II now that its coming out and, i love kerrigan. :) now now no one knows of my obsession with killing the damn medics. hee.

even rambo can trip and stumble.
i need to get my life sorted out.
shit you reality, it hurts damn bad.

hitched nose, almond eyes xD

2008-01-16T04:04:00.001-08:00

"hello? whats your name? you are babi no?"

its been about six days since i started working and goodness the most common topic that i have been talking to total strangers about is about how i dont look anything like a chinese commoner. ive chalked up a total list of being guessed as a peranakan, malay, filipino, eurasian, southern indian, mixed blood chinese. many many combinations have turned up but the funniest yet is to be called a babi. which is "pork" in malay but what the guy meant was a malay mixed peranakan person. haha!

i like feeling special
i'm not complaining.
i thank god for looking different.
i thank god for making me beautiful
it gives me confidence.
it makes me difference.
and i crave the attention for being different. :) yayyness

zero time on the meter

2008-01-12T23:51:00.001-08:00

OH WOW! okay i think im slightly crazy but im actually juggling two jobs now, and im quite liking both jobs the same! :) so everyone now knows that the first one is at MUNCH, (i'll take a photo of munch and post it up soon!) and now every please say hello to CANDICE THE PUBLIC RELATIONS OFFICER also known as PRO to the company.

CANDICE THE PUBLIC RELATIONS OFFICER [PRO]
how much more important can i sound to you? haha basically all that i am incharge off is the phone calls, the reservations and responsible for allocating the guest into the different dining areas. its really expensive to dine there i much as and right now cause the whole place is under going a major floor staff change, the quality service there is suffering quite a bit, i also contributed by being blur. but im pretty confident things will pick up soon after. people there look really fierce and all, but once its slack time, goodness me they are really nice. so let me introduce this place to you: OOSH, 22DEMPSY ROAD, TEL:64750002
and to people who are still looking for jobs, they are hiring, but mind you the shift for the evening is from 5pm to 1am on weekdays and 5pm to 2am on weekends.
-if you are a club21 member, you get to have a free strawberry torte dessert for free! just flash your card, valid til the end of jan :)
-and the best perk about this job, I GET TO PUT ON MAKE UP AND WEAR HEELS! kickass! xD
........................................................................................
i have not been studying for sats, die die die. :(
and the weather and time constraint as been getting to me, i lost my voice and am totally hoarse for the past 3 days. its only getting sexier by the day. but i quite like sounding really hoarse, its a nice sexy sound. :\hee.

too bad im going to have to miss league this sunday cause i cant even breathe properly for nuts sake. :( but give and take, its all in gods hands i must trust.
........................................................................................
people who would love to date/dine me out, BOOK ME REALLY. cause juggling two jobs is really not leaving much time left!

on the better side if the world, ARCHANA GRACE SHENOY IS MY NEW COLLEAGUE AT MUNCH! *clapclaps* cant wait to have her around! :)

lord bless the stars in the sky.

day two job hunt, :)

2008-01-08T06:05:00.000-08:00

when i finally take the time and effort to stay at home for dinner and talk to my parents, i get shot down and called defiant. okay i know i have not been the best daughter that i can be, but at least please, im trying my best to be the best of what i deem i can be to make you all proud. doesnt my slogging away into the night and bringing in ralatively good grades account for anything? doesnt my lovely bubbly try to be optimistic natuer account for absolutely anything at all? and what do i get seen as: DEFIANT AND ARROGANT. fine maybe i asked for it, i am quite stubborn

COMPARING WITH ME MY BROTHERS: I THINK I AM THE BEST OF THE LOT. IF I WANT TO SOUND ELITIST ENOUGH. I GREET PEOPLE. ANDY DOESNT. DARRLY GRUFFS.

i just mentioned that i dont want to work for my parents simply because i feel so useless and dumb in front of them, i feel so sheltered and restrained that i really cant express who or what i want to be. worst of all, i turn up to work really unhappy and moody about being "forced" to work and then getting lectured right in front of the patient. no thank you i feel so embarrassed and i simply do not like it there. im sorry mom but at least i tried to help you find a nurse and at least i tried to be the best that i can be when i was helping you. does that all boil down to nothing again?
.........................................................................................................
IM A SANDWHICH ARTIST. (something which my dad and mom made me feel really lousy about) gahh.
10am-3pm mon to fri, 5 hours a day, 5 days a week, four weeks a month, six dollars an hour, $600 a month! :) little yes, but i get my evenings and mornings to myself, so i can ask for nothing more. :) its nice and cosey, its orange.

MUNCH
112 ROBINSON ROAD, #01-01
RIGHT BESIDE STARBUCKS AND OPP THE SANDWHICH SHOP.

VISIT ME PEOPLE!

i stand up, only to be shot down again

day one, job hunt.

2008-01-07T10:38:00.000-08:00

seems like everytime i want to rant about something i return back to this blog and let the whole world listen to my worries. haha what a silly girl.

monday marked off the day where i finally started my job hunt. i went to 3 places to look for jobs today which really was quite an eye opener. :)

my first job offer/interview was one that was placed on the interview. i had really high expectations of it being a shop where i could express my creativity and all, but it turned out to be a really nice vintage edgy denmark floral shop. its nice there but somehow im just not too keen on being a florist all over again you know, i have my youth and i want to enjoy it for all that im worth now. lets compare, so ther pay here is like $5.50 and its most likely to rise up to $6 after one two months. so thats the really good perk, it opens at 12 noon and closes at about 10pm so yupp, a job in orchard road is DEFINATELY for me, :)

the second job offer that i took up was one being a sales representative at BUTTCHEEKS, the place where millions of bikinis are being sold. the jist here is that you have to be extremely punctual and be extremely interactive with the people around. the pay here is $800 for 20 full days. which after i have counted out nicely, its about $3-4 odd an hour? but heres the perk, commission of about $20 for every $150 sold and $50 for every $250 sold. so i can even get up to a thousand if im lucky. but how often do girls buy bikinis? gahhh. so i decided to scrap this job and look for another one.

the third one really appeals to me, but the long working hours are going to kill me.
its a job at the manicurist shop called SHUGAR, and well they basically would teach the people how to do the basics and the extreme. the pay goes like this:
full time: 48 hours a week, shift is from 12pm to 10pm (depending on which outlet), $1100 +$100 + comission, commitment of 6 months, a training period of 4 days worth $250
partime: $5 a hour, no perks at all, on the job training, max earning is $800, no comission.
-----------------------------------------------------------
travelling for all this three different interview took me about 6 buses and 4 train rides in total, and i happily saw my ezlink card money dwindled from $2o odd to only $12 odd now. THAT FREAKING $8 BUCKS OF TRAVELLING EXPENSES. wow wee. this is really really really getting to me. i need a job that pays ALOT to make up for things!

left over spilt can of beer, thanks to darryl

what poise.

2008-01-03T19:58:00.000-08:00

ARH, MY BACK ACHE IS REALLY GETTING TO ME. >>.<
i so have to see some specialist soon, take some xrays and all. if only i had someone to go with me, urghh.

and another thing that really irks me out, is that now everytime i go up the bus it goes, TITT and i see $0.84 deducted away rather than $0.45. its really not doing me any good, lets say i take 2 buses (away from house and to house) thats about $1.68 worth travel, multiply that by 30 days, that would mean i would be spending $50.40 on traveling alone everyday. ITS MADDNESS. its so expensive and difficult to live. i so NEED to get a job SOON. roar. any job, something that apys be $6 and above. NOOW.

slightly grumpy slightly angsty.

every three hundred and sixty five days

2008-01-01T22:12:00.000-08:00

way to go feotus baby, xD its a good thing we both didnt go high.

2008-01-01T21:40:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR LOVELIES, I WISH YOU ABUNDANT BLESSINGS AND A VERY FULFILLED 2008, xD.

my 2008 started off on a similar note as to how i started off in 2007. certainly strikes a cord with me, sweet memories in some sense. one year and four days.

i managed to sneak some time to catch up with my feotus childhood buddy adora cheong and just pry into her very conservative life. i have not seen her for somewhat nearly a year already? and the only time i see her would be during watch night services, if she does indeed decide to return back to fairfield and spend the new years with her soul church. which im glad she did this year. we did a little dressing up and took a few crazy photos!

adora cheong, she's finally turned eighteen on the eight of december and its just too bad i was away in shanghai. so i did wish her before i left and i wished her again when i cam back to singapore. this little girl has stopped rock climbing, my goodness you should check out her biceps its huge! and she can lift me up so what do you think about that huh? haha! watch out guys, shes going to be my body guard soon! and i got her interested in ultimate frisbee so hopefully one of my new years resolution would be put into action and i can drag along people who are interested like joanne chan and abriel and adora! :)

a little more odd facts about adora: she actually signed up for a slimming package with uses electricity to burn away the fats, think about the pain and all! ouch. she also enrolled herself into some gym membership place where it only cost her $5 to use to gym so that she can run and get back into shape! (she has a little buldge now, hee) she also has worn her braces for more than 2 years already, cause she kept delaying her treatments and all. haha at least she hasnt changed in looks yet! babe, enjoy yourself in bali and i hope to see you more often OTHER than the 31st of decemeber every year.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
TODAY, THE 2ND OF THE NEW YEAR
i woke up to a really bad back ache and and i can feel it all the way right down to the core of the spine. its so bad i skipped orientation and decide to bed ride myself for the entire last evening and this morning/afternoon. its getting a little better but im extremely worried that this would have some sort of implications when i hit 69. thank god i dont have big boobs to worsen the back and neck problems!
its really bad i tell you and i really want to see some sort of a help. if only my parents cared enough to bring me instead of nagging about the activities that i do. honenstly, know my personality and you'll know that im one who simply just has to pack my day to the core. and taking away dance and frisbee from me is like breaking my bones and paralysing me, i NEED to run around and feel involved.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO THE FOLLOWING DECEMEBER PEOPLE:
ELIZABETH MAK
DANIEL CAI
ABRIEL ANG HAN SING
LI KAIYI
ADORA CHEONG
PRASHANNTH KUMAR RAJANDRAN

deep thoughts.

2007-12-26T09:54:00.001-08:00

mood swings: im in a iamsoscrewingmylifeupsidedown kinda mood.

recently i have been thinking alot, and trying to reason myself out really conherently, but coherentness has always been one of my weaknesses. there has always been one issue of life that i have always been very intrigued with and maybe some what more inclined to want to pay attention more than to any other topics. some may call it gossip, but to me i see it as an issue that is extremely personal. the topic: boy girl relationships (bgr).

im sure that many youths around have always been asking the same few questions over and over again. for example: when is the right time, how do i know whether im ready or not, how do i know he/she is the right one, how much of myself do i give to him/her, am i ready to commit to such a long term, how do i make my relationship godly, yadayadayada.

for starters i would just like to say that in my case, i have been through alot, hell shit alot, and its not something that i am very proud off. i know my open nature and cheekiness has lead many to think that im one with loose morals. but then again i really dont blame them for i dont see any solid foundational basis of morals or values that my life is based upon. sometimes i imagine myself as some lost little creature. this is when i thank god for friends whom are there to bounce me back to my senses.

i was just talking to friends about the new year and what it brings and how we each should right ourselves again, many mentioned something about starting afresh with the new universities that we are all going to enter into. the world of havoc, where every inch of your morality and common sense is pushed to the test, to just open up to a new goup of friends and let the lord bring you to what he sees in you. but my statement here is that, start afresh yes, but the past is still here to haunt you.

you know there was a period of time in my life when i just thought i knew all the answers to my life, i felt confident enough to go though any sort of difficulty. i was invicible and felt undefeated. attraction does wonders to a girl. its not love, to me love is grow to love thing. my deepest wish is to return back to my sweet innocent self that just thanks god for everyday's blessings.

lastly as my own personal reflection:
i have to learn to let go, of everything, and want nothing more.
i have to learn to love myself, and my morals.
only when i let go then will i be able to move on, take the past as a learning step i say.
and if all else fails, be a skeptic. its going to hurt real bad, something called selfish love.

shanghai, the land of spit

2007-12-26T08:18:00.000-08:00

OH WOW WEE IM REALLY LAZY TO TALK ABOUT SHANGHAI! BUT I MUST! CAUSE I PAID LIKE CLOSE TO A THOUSAND BUCKS INCLUSIVE OF SHOPPING PRIVILLEAGES TO HAVE A LOVELY FOVE DAYS OF CRAZE WITH ANTHEA! :) SO HERES HOW THE TRIP WENT, WE HAD THE WHOLE HOUSE TO OURSELFS, WE WENT AROUND DOING ALOT OF CHEAPO SHOPPING AND TRYING TO LEARN THE ART OF BARGAINING, GOT RIPPED OF ABOUT 2 TIMES, COULDNT READ CHINESE MENUS FOR NUTS, AND COULDNT READ ENGLISH TRANSLATED MENUS FOR NUTS AND ATE SUPER ALOT OF XIAO LONG BAOS.

SO HERE IS OUR LITTLE ADVENTURE. :) ENJOY! THE PHOTOS ARE NOT IN ANY ORDER OF SEQUENCE, BUT LAUGHTER WAS THROUGHOUT.

i must say the lord always has his ways, the shanghai trip came really aptly in time just when i needed someone or something to bring me back to my senses, and nothing is ever better than to surround myself with friends, the people i love the most. :) somehow they always seen to be there at the right moment at the right places. amen

2007-12-24T10:11:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! :) LOVE YOU ALL!

videos that are treasured.

2007-12-24T09:38:00.000-08:00

ACJC SENIORS NIGHT PHOTO MONTAGE 2007

SOMETHING SALACIOUS - TANGO ITEM

ACJC DANCE SYF 2007, HEYA BOB A TRIBUTE TO FOSSEE!

2007-12-22T10:45:00.000-08:00

some lovelies that have impacted my life in one way or another, thank you. :)

the memories of acjc seniors night

2007-12-22T10:16:00.000-08:00

ACJC PROM NIGHT 3RD DEC 2007 <3

THE AC DANCERS

THE AC ULTIMATE GINNAHS 2007

SOMETHING SALACIOUS

the fragments of SD3

the still absense disrupted.

2007-12-22T09:59:00.000-08:00

HELLO EVERYONE IM BACK! :)

talk about laziness to blog about my life, haha! im really sorry my dear blog that ive been oh so busy i just haven the time to liad up photos and type in entries to data record down my life's happening, :) and im already lagging behind so badly in facebook!

yes i know this is rather late but the prom photos are finally all up on face book already, :) those who are vain enough to tagg themselves please go crazy! :)

acjc prom night, the night when i just let loose and allowed the whole world to see the super carefree i dont really care much about the circumstances now i want to have fun me. :) i parked myself into the damn glam mood and when all high with photo snapping. though i still think that promw as a little over rated, i choose rather to just concentrate on the company of friends that i have around me all the time, :) i'll post up some photos later on. i took about 2 GB worth of photos, thats about 200 plus photos. yayyness to the camera whore.

singaporeultimatefrisbeeleague, okay my frisbee life is going to kick start tomorrow 23rd december 2007 with the ultimate league. i dont really know whether i should be all estatic about playing frisbee again, to be really truthful, its kinda taking a little toll on me. i love to throw the disc around but having to know someone is watching me and screaming at me and the pressure's all building up on me against me, i might just drive myself crazy again. so there it goes again, i'll try keeping an open mind for it and i hope i'll love my time with the "naughty elves" :) thats the name of my league team!

some bad news is my newly bought camera is spoilt, i really dont have an affinity with cameras i suppose. :(( but im going to work it silly until i get the repair man to come and fix it up!

2007-12-10T08:47:00.000-08:00

people people, im going to be away for the month of december!

shanghai-ing with anthea piong from 5th to 10th december :)
korea-ing with family from 12th to 20th december :)
dancing with ac dance 10th, 11th, 31th december :)

bahh cupid

2007-11-28T10:19:00.001-08:00

hello my lovelies, :) ah i was about to go to slepp but i decided that i needed to blog about my feelings right now.

just a few days ago i was whining to cynthia about how ive been lost in life and how much i need something to jolt me back into reality, the bitter world and have some sort of an event to inject life back into my body! and i must say that dance has really given me that lovely pleasure of really appreciating what life is worth. as tired as i may be after every practice, with the repetitive routines and similar beats and counts, somehow the beauty of body movemnet just brings a smile to my face, something that i can really appreciate and enjoy the amount of hard work put into it. as the sayig goes. "one minute on stage is ten years of hard work on the floor"
and so after dance practice, some emotional songs came on to air and started playing. i dont really know the lyrics or the name of the song, but it evoked in me quite a bit of bitterness and fustration, yet joy for what life is worth.

ever wonder why most emotional songs are nice to sway to? maybe because you invest your whole heart and soul into that dance that you do. maybe because its something that you can relate to. maybe because, we all go through it. much more then what "love" so calls promises us. hello skeptic me who killed cupid and poisoned santa, but i want you to listen to this song. it speaks to me at least. :)

This is the way you left me - I'm not pretending - No hope, no love, no glory - No happy ending

This is the way that we love - Like its forever - Then live the rest of our life - But not together

Wake up in the morning - Stumble on my life - Can't get no love without sacrifice - If anything should happen - I guess I wish you well - Mmm a little bit of heaven - But a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told. (ooooo) - No hope OR love OR glory - Happy ending's gone forever more

I feel as if I'm wasted - And I'm wastin' everyday - This is the way you left me - I'm not pretending - No hope, no love, no glory - No happy ending - This is the way that we love - Like its forever - Then live the rest of our life - But not together

Two o'clock in the morning - Something's on my mind - Can't get no rest - Keep walking around - If I pretend that nothing ever went wrong - I can get to my sleep - I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told. (ooooo) - No hope or love or glory - Happy ending's gone forever moreI feel as if I'm wasted - And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me, (oh I feel as if I'm wasted) - I'm not pretending - No hope, no love, no glory - No happy ending

This is the way that we love, (and I'm wastin' everyday) - Like its forever - Then live the rest of our life - But not together

Little bit of love...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvBIyJf6el0

yay TRAVEL PAC wow TRAVEL PAC whoot TRAVEL PAC

2007-11-28T09:49:00.001-08:00

the TRAVEL PAC man, and the two TRAVEL PAC bag.
oh my gosh let me tell you all about the TRAVEL PAC bag.
its the coolest bag, TRAVEL PAC bag you can ever have!
yayy TRAVEL PAC, wow TRAVEL PAC, whee TRAVEL PAC.
simply awesome and fantastic TRAVEL PAC bag!

basically this TRAVEL PAC boy ambassidor in his TRAVEL PAC school uniform took this TRAVEL PAC photo with me and cyn and told us to put this TRAVEL PAC photo up on a blog, and the TRAVEL PAC team would locate the TRAVEL PAC photo with some miraculous TRAVEL PAC magic and i might stad a chance to win a $50 TRAVEL PAC voucher! isnt that great? yayy TRAVEL PAC, wow TRAVEL PAC, whee TRAVEL PAC.simply awesome and fantastic TRAVEL PAC bag!

actually the TRAVEL PAC bag really is quite stylish, :) i mean like TRAVEL PAC can store everything from makeup to school books to frisbee discs to hiphop shoes. what a useful TRAVEL PAC big spaceious bag.

and anyway if i do win you can email me at purplehippopotamus@gamil.com or call me at 91386598, :) i am a TRAVEL PAC ambassador!

and i just thought this hippo biscuit was really adorable so i decided to take a photo of it and put it up and let you guys admire my greatest love, :) notice its purple too! :)

walking on from here

2007-11-23T09:46:00.000-08:00

kahonn did this, something to bite on as the best of my life. just another ultimate ginnnah love

SHADES BY THE NIGHT

2007-11-23T07:38:00.000-08:00

CYNTHIA : my gosh i know this is pretty belated, but happy eighteen birthday darling. ah truely i dont know exactly want to say to you, and i dont know what present to even get for you. but i do know that, you have been so patient with me when i scream at you, been so accomodating with me when i push my weight all over, been so assuring with me when ive been raelly bogged out with my insecurities, and to me, thats the best that a friend a can give, to brave it out with belly dancing and hot yoga classes with me, to brave it you with me in the field of ultimate, and probably being the other only people who accepts me just plaining gor the true me and for having such immense trust in me, thank you. i love you babe and theres a happy belated eighteen! dated 9th novemeber 2007.

ANTHEAPIONG: borned out of the fish hole on the 24th november 1989, and for bathing with me naked in primary school, babe you have really been one of the wackiest most extraordinary persons ive even come across! you never fail to crack up a smile in me, even though im already proclaimed too tired to smile, and for just being SO WEIRD. but weird is good, and i gladly embrace it! :) too bad i dont have a photo of you and me over here in my compouter, but i remember the great times we had ever since. happy eighteenth babe, and may the eighteen year be so filled with lotsa blessings that you'll love your eighteen year just like i did! :) CANT WAIT TO GO SHANGHAI WITH YOU! :)

we break we break

2007-11-23T06:07:00.000-08:00

ah the last time I left the blog was on a pretty sour note, and well im just glad to say that [THE A LEVELS ARE FINALLY OVER for me at least, lit people just hang in there.] and this post is going to be rather long cause I intend to talk about a lot of things that have been going on in my life or in my head at least!

[THE BEGINNING TIL THE END: A LEVELS]
the ride was a really hectic one, though somehow inbetween it suddenly seemed to be very much more off slipping into the surreal holiday mood, and every single little break would be justified to be some form of a "destresser", either by gorging alot or by sleeping for dog long 2 hour breaks, or by snoozing my alarm clocks (yes i have three clocks) at 6.10 am and yet in the end waking up at 9am. yes i do realise i stare more often at my dog, and i stare more often at my knees, cause i would scratch my knees in habit of sitting too still for a long time. remembering those times when the stupid sleep on the mattress would leave me with a terrible back ache and yet it was justified cause at least it would force me to wake up. well i think i screwed up pretty badly for gp econs and a little of biology, but then again i gave the paper up to the lord and i wont dwell on it anymore. whatever the lord gives me i gladly receive with the patience and the heart that it is all according to his will at least. yupp. thankgoodness for the 22/11/2007 LIBERATION DATE.

well while studying for the a levels i caught little sweet pictures of friends scribbles all over my notes and tutorials. each and every single one reminding me of the many sleepy times we had in class, the man times we roared at each other in paper format, the times when we dres smileys to encourage each other. well cheers to the good times spent with the lovelies. and how people who call late into the middle of the night just to solve questions or to destress a little!

[IRLENS SYNDROME]
www.irlens.com.sg i dont know whether to say im blessed of not but i just recently got disgnosed with this neurological disease called irlens syndrome, it basically just means that the neurones in my brains are not connected properly or did not develop properly and that leads to the easy "over loading of my sensory neurones" in my brain. so i get fustrated very easily, get tired very easily, get moody very easily and cant focus that easily too. think hitting boiling piont really quickly. i cant process information as quickly as i want, or i cant organize myself as efficiently as i want to, and that leads to me gettign stressed pretty easily. i got some brain analysis and my brain points were on the left side of the cerebral, FA7 8 and 9 points that are underdeveloped. and its HERIDITARY! haha! its closely ties in with dyslexia too! i think its quite funny that i found out after a levels though, but then again, i dont think i needed the extra time to prove my worth. and my form of irlens is pretty mild cause i managed to develop ways to over come it. like adjusting the lighting and the environment that i study in, take super alot of breaks, keep myself super active to distract my brain into other activities, like changing the focus of attention from the eyes to the mouth and then to the nose when i talk to people, stuff like that. I OVER COMED AND ADAPTED. but i still have to live with it! haha :) its a good thing i say. andy also has it, and his is quite severe, but i think after treatment with coloured specs hopefully he'll be more willing to start learning and studying again!

[PSLE]
this years highest psle grade is maddness. 294/300, that means he probably scored correct for everything in math science and chinese! i dont think you can get full marks in english, but still i think its maddness. andy got 180 for his PSLE, and he's pretty happy, my wish for him is that he'll be able to qualify into barker normal acad at least. keep him pumping with the acs blood for a little while and hopefully he's blossom into a gentle young man. (HOPEFULLY) he didnt say much, but my mom is really happy for me, so alls good, :)

[CONTACT LENS]
alrights ive been spending in the hundred the past few days and its really bad, cause its hundreds from MY OWN POCKET. so it hurts quite a bit, but with the nets card things are easy simple and clean, dang i must stop spending, but ive got a lot of things left that i want to buy! anyhows one of my holiday goals were to put on contact lens, and well i got them today, blasted about $250 on a few boxes and i spent 30 mins trying to put them in! haha hopefully i get used to them and then all would be fine and good! :) 1.25 L 1.25 R double from the previous 0.75 L 0.75 R but at least im not THAT blind.

[CALLING ALL MGS GIRLS]
hey girls, if you still have your lab coats and you dont exactly want them, could you please donate them to me cause im helping my mom to come up with an image for her clinc, and i was thinking of using these coats! call me at 91386598 if you would PLEASE. :) santa would love you!

yulplessly

2007-11-13T01:05:00.000-08:00

ive struck it out as a nerd, lets see where it gets me.

okay econs paper is just over, ARGHH, seriously ARGHH, im only going to do some sort of a silent scream, seriously if you ask me how i feel, i'll tell you that 135mins of non stop writing serious was just all about CRAP. i mean like i caught myself writing stuff like "smoking is a demerit good and its gives you medical problems, so the goverment should intervene and stop everyone from smoking" which is serious reatarded cause i really DONT KNOW HOW TO PHRASE MYSELF.

thoughts about myself: ive always thought i was some sort of a okay high flier thing, always wanting to try and be the best or at least try and do my best at everything that i do. doesnt really matter if i do badly or what nots, least i was there. and this... is so not doing what i feel is my best even though it already seems like thats about how much that i can shit out. and honestly, that feeling of what nots, is really bad. bye bye to dreams of wanting a scholarship, its never going to happen with a AABCE.

i guess im going to try and hone myself up in terms of writing and expression over here. im gonna start commenting on issues that the stupid goverment makes. its about time i guess.

bye bye little frilly girl in the little careless wonder, you can never be oblivious to everything.

2007-11-06T09:12:00.000-08:00

alrights, exactly one week has passed since the start of a levels, theres been ups and downs to say. but i rather settle and look forward to the next papers. my hardest paper has yet to come, the dreaded ECONOMICS. haha, putting that aside, im gonna put this thought into your head: how much has changed over one week in alevels, four papers, approximately 7 hours of sleep a day, and yet, one day seems to go by REALLY FAST. my days have been divided into 3 sections now, morning afternoon night!

2007-11-01T00:06:00.000-07:00

I'LL HIT THE BLOG BACK AFTER THE FOURTH WEEK OF SCHOOL! I THINK, OR AT LEAST AM PLANNIGN TO. haha

i actually came up with a list of habits that i notice myself doing especially during exams time!
but i'll list it all out nicely when i feel like it.

so far the exams have taken a toll on me, and well, it can be rather depressing at times to try and hold a strong groud. im still trying! :)

after gp my mom asked me : "so how was the paper today?"
i grimmed and said : "haha, hmm okay i guess, im not too confident about it. haha as we all know im pretty weak in my languages and expressions"
mom snipped back : "see who ask you to now take the chance when you had in mgs to improved your english. dont want to join debate dont want to everything, so narrow minded."
and this was where i got pretty cheesed off.
me being agasted : "what?! you have no idea how hard i work my ass off just to get the freaking A in english for o levels you know. im just naturally weak in my languages why can you just accept that? i mean like look at how darryl and andy speaks? i dare say im a notch better than them both. and for languages the basic foundation starts with the family, the environment. i may have come from mgs, and yes im happy that it has helped my by a far margin, but my basics are just not strong enough and it comes from my upbringing. "

mom : " oh so now you are blaming the family. blaming the family for things that you are lousy at, it was YOU who wanted to pursue the performing arts and being everywhere. then you come and blame this family and my parenting skills?!"

me back >.< : "cant you see, im not blaming anyone. im just saying that the matter of the fact is that i am weak, and its a little too late to change things now. and im NOT blaming anyone, im just saying i may not have been able to gained as much in terms of language wise from mgs thats all.

-silent treament-
sighh. things always turn out like this all the time. its SO NOT a personal attack at you. grumbles.

2007-10-25T03:04:00.001-07:00

im thinking of getel cakes right now, :) my sweet eighteen :)
www.getelcakes.com

YAP FAMILY AT THE SABANA COVE

2007-10-19T11:27:00.001-07:00

ALRIGHTS! thank you to all those people who smsed me and who emailed me to show me your concern, IM FINE NOW :)) still recovering but im ready to jump start and kick everything aside and do some pure hard mugging! thank you kchen, thank you adeline, thank you cyn, thank you quek, thank you lydia, thank you manda, thank you steph, thank you nachan. for being around to hear me scream. thankyou.
well just some updates:) well over the weekend 201007 to 211007 me andy mom dad and my lovely cousins went to malaysia! initially i was really anal about it cause there was all this studying to do and all, but ig uess the lord placed it in good hands and well, this holiday came at a nice time just when i needed to get away and destress and all! :) hahh!
so this resort that i went tow as called SABANA COVE, and its really beautifulllllllllll <3>
then i had the chance to see fireflies, which were oh my goodness really lovely :) the sky was litted up with stars and they twinkled really brightly, then infrom where the mangrove was, was all the fireflies! i wasnt even wearing my specs but goodness me these little small creatures really made me marvel at gods creations and well, i realised that gods plans are always bigger for me and that i really should have to worry so much! so anyway the firflies were tiny assed like an ant, but they made the whole mangrove really pretty. we got to catch a few and put them into a little bottle and admire these little BLACK BORING insects and their lights when we went back onto shore. and then looking down into the sea, you wouldnt believe me but there was FLOURESCENT PLANKTON! im serious! they glowed int he sea when ever you put your hand into the water and stir it! WAHHAHHH! its was so exciting i went on a major high, i even wanted to tahbao back the water and keep it in my room. haha, of course there wasnt any bottles left so we couldnt take back the water, but memories are good! the funniest thing was that we had a rollcall when we were in the boat to make sure everyone was on board, quite funny.
imagine: PANG XING HUI, HERE! PANG QI HUI! HERE! PANG JIA HAO, HERE! PANG JIA DA, HERE! ANDY YAP, ERHHHHH WHAT?? CANDICE YAP, YAYY!:)) like i said memories memories, :)
i must say overall i learnt alot about my cousins. they lead a whole different lifestyle from me, very modest, very dependent on each other, very together in some sense.

xing hui the eldest girl is now in CHIJ st nicks, and she is sec 2
qi hui the second eldest girl is now in cresentgirls, and she is sec 1 and she is in band. she likes to read and is in danger of having pimple outbreak soon. she is a nerd, she does not have friends in cresent and she has not been to orchard road, goodness i have to save this little poor soul soon! SHOPPING TIME!

then theres the two little boys, jia hao and jia da, they are both in ai ming primary and very very very independent and active. very curious little creatures too. :)

so well i'll leave the photos to do the talking :) double cheers!

abc after the As

2007-10-19T07:58:00.000-07:00

heres a list of things i intend to do after the A levels, FEEL FREE TO JOIN ME!
[A] send my casio camera for repairs
[B] learn the art of using photo shop, then setting up my blog shop properly and generate some income!
[C] learn how to dive
[D] play as much frisbee as i can, hopefull get back my abbs muscles again
[E] learn how to ride a motor cycle
[F] clean up my room
[G] get mself a kick ass sewing machine and start on my grand master piece of sewing pencil boxes.
[H]update my ipod or thrash it away.
[I]join a pole dancing class, jazz class, salsa class, jive class
[J]find myself a job that pays little but gives me alot of experience
[K]organize my room and my desktop documents
[L]read dating books and books on how to manage people and finances. + newspapers
[M]get multi braids for my hair.
[N]
[O]
[P]
[Q]
[R]
[S]
[T]
[U] lots and lots of other activities that i cant think of right now.

DISCLAIMER: NOTEVERYTHING WILL COME TRUE.

the sweet escape, with love

2007-10-19T07:39:00.000-07:00

this was taken on the ferry roof top, on the way to sabana cove, :)and i think my mom is really quite glamourous with her shades.

these are my cousins who went with me, just right after we landed on the ferry jetty at sabana cove.

the scenary is really quite nice and serene, its lovely when you are there.

and of course, me and my younger brother went crazy with the camera, just some unglam shots! HAHA!

we went for some canoeing :) early in the morning, the BMX exercise!

more sweet escape, lovely things i would rememeber.

2007-10-12T08:59:00.000-07:00

okay i retracked a few blog post from the past few months back, hahh!
my life in ac has ended, and it ended on a pretty bitter sweet note.

reminder to me : some photos of honours night, some photos of baccaleurette service. and some thoughts that are dear to me. :) SOON SOON.

2007-10-11T07:09:00.001-07:00

im respsonding to 9/17/07,
im damn sorry.

2007-10-11T07:06:00.000-07:00

suck it up

just push it

you are much stronger than that

i played i burnt. damn.

what i worried was right, and what i worried came real.

hello cruel world.

20 days to a levels. no emotional nippers is going to stall me now.

ROAR. now i understand why that happened.

2007-10-03T09:16:00.000-07:00

and so i spent my day shifting all my things down to the ironing room, kicking my maid out of the ironing room and dominating it as my study area for the next 29 days, hello hibernation mood.

im feel rawrrr. whywhy tell me whyy.

no shoutout for me R?

2007-10-01T07:51:00.000-07:00

awesome, day, i had, today, ABCDEFG, my mom didnt wake me up for school and so its a self proclaimed holiday

HAPPY CHILDRENS DAY TO YOU! :))

okay ive got a whole list to talk about so here goes,

[number one] HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SEXY KCHEN X)

you, my killjoy, my heart warmer, my cip rescuer, thank you. thank you for all the wonderful little times that we had camera whoring away and abusing your camera. thank you for all the times when i needed a laugh and you could always cheer me up. thank you for always poking fun at my tyres and how bloated i am, ahhahh! I'LL EMBRACE THEM TILL THE END OF ALEVELS. and yes i WILL give you a smooch when the results are out, and yes i hardly ever say such stuff but i DO treasure you ALOTTTT! :)) go crazy on this little day. im missing you around school now adays, but where ever you are i hope you are doing good! :)) heres to the times when we were still kids and we looked so innocently happy, :))

[number two] so i had the whole day to myself at home and well imagine myself being coped up in my brother's room with nothing but the sounds of my ipod and construction drilling into my ear? i went cranky! AHAHH! so heres a little entertainment when i go cranky. :)) its really getting to me, the whole sleep late and try to do as much as i can thing, its crazy, i dont know why im such a bum and i really shouldnt be even typingthis post out. but i'll take it as a mean for destressing.

i found out thatsongs that are awesome to croak out loud when youa re doing chemisty comes in the best way as children songs. I WANNAA BE LIKE A TREEE.... ONE FOR THE FAMILY TWO FOR THE FRIENDS.. and then somehow i find myself jumping up and wiggling all about and i feel happy :)) a sudden whoosh! :)) thank you lord.

[number three] PSLE is in 2 days time, all the best to you little kids who have to juggle puberty, laziness and having some sort of determination in your life. ahahh, just dont end up wearing specs like me.

[numberfour] i realized i have been neglecting alot of attention that i have been receiving, care and concern and all. and i wanna apologise if i have hurt you! CYNTHIA ARE YOU READING THIS? im sorry! and i cant explain it but im sorry i threw tantrums here and there. forgive me will you?

[number five] i need prom night shoppers, anyone interested? :)) and who wants to go scuba diving with me too?

[numbersix] i cant wait til the 3rd of decemeber, :)

[numberseven] somehow you seem to know i would read your blog, and deep inside i wish i could turn back time, but i think its never going to be like what it used to be. ive changed way too much, changed too much to accept the simple life it was back then. im sorry. as the card goes... little miss fickle..

[numbereight] its eleven ten and i promised myself i need to get to bed by twelve everyday, so i'll continue the rest on another note, :)) love you guys.

mirror reeflect

2007-09-27T04:15:00.000-07:00

HONOURS NIGHT 2007
reflections: honestly look back at the past march 2006 to september 07 journey i had with ac, its really been a very bumpy ride. i knew i was never so confident about alot of things. i knew i was never very loud spoken. i knew i was one that never dared to share my world with outpeople, but what can i say, growing up and maturing as really taken on its role! i still remember the moment when i didnt get into the dance committee, i was oh so bitter and filled with remorse for myself, that i'll never make it anyway just cause i felt i wasnt capable in alot of ways. well kick that ass i got my lovely 5 seconds on stage on honours night, i yes i do pride myself at saying that other that lydia, im the only non com person to get that lovely os last night, but heck im not too bothered about that, but i really enjoyed, is the 16 months i had with the dancers, you guys rock!

thank you for making my life so lovely. thank you for teaching my confidence in myself. thank you for bringing out that crazy wacky quirky me which i would never have dared to expressed out. thank you for being my strength. loves, candy

2007-09-25T10:04:00.000-07:00

the following two songs have been playing and looping around in my head for the longest time

[1] shayne ward- if thats okay with you

[2] bianca ryans- i will

[3] will.i.am- i have a dream

[4] chicago- youre the insipration

these songs strike a different cord in my everytime i listen to them, brings back memories, :))

meanwhile, taking a 3 hour long break on the computer i decided to go visit a few nice websites and theres this site called www.projectfriendmark.com which provided free bookmarking services! all you need is a photo, and what you want to say to that certain someone and you just place an order, ITS FREE OF CHARGE. take a photo with me and i would love to have a bookmark with you :))

heres one of the few that i did, its quite nice :))

2007-09-17T08:20:00.000-07:00

"being a nice guy, what a Fool, ****O. you actually believed what she said. I'm controlling, controlling. That's nothing to argue, my foolishness, my fault. But you're too much! dont you think so, and i had enough already"

no im not too much, you never gave me a chance. you blew it. move on boy move on, the world doesnt wait for you.

im a pure bred idiot. edited 25-12-07

a smooch for every A

2007-09-17T04:35:00.000-07:00

the following are a few pictures of the times along this journey of growing up, and the true times that ive been really TRUELY happy. i mean it. its not the oh i have to fake so much to show you that im a cheery girl kind of thing, with you people, i get to be who i really love being. thankyou.